Help me

Help.
I once was lost... and here I am again.I once was found... but I cannot remember that time.
I hate myself so much. Why must it be this way? Why must I not want to be me? I just want to LOVE myself for one! Just for moment I want to pretty enough for you to love me for me. Can I say, God, that I have had to force myself to eat for the last week? My heart is sooo numb to you and your love. All I want is for someone to love me. All I want is to be BEAUTIFUL. I am not the one with an eating disorder. I am the one who helps heal others, and yet here I am... stuck again. I know You created me and You love me, but I don't. I am fat and that is all this world can see me as. Just this stupid emo kid who weighs to much. Nobody really loves me and I don't care how stupid or emo it sounds. I hate me and I hate life. Help me. I don't want to die here in this place but my heart just doesn't love the way it use to. Just let me die. Please. What do I have left to live for? What?

Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.
On a good day, enjoy yourself; On a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days So that we won't take anything for granted.

God I take nothing for granted. I just want to be LOVED. Please love me. Please... God... please don't forget I am here. I don't care how much these people tell me they love me. I want someone to mean it. I want someone to love me for everything I am. I am sorry I cannot be pretty. I am sorry I can't be skinny. I am sorry that I can no longer force myself to eat. Must I really starve myself to be happy? I would prefer it. I would prefer to be skinny and hungry than fat and full. Not only does it make me look bad, but I feel guilty.

Its not like I feel like sliting my wrists, but I would rather be away from this emotional garbage. Where does it come from? Since when do I care whether I am over weight or not?
I am nothing. Oh God please help me out here. I need you... I need you.

Love Forever,
Brittany Kirkland