Something's gotta change.

I am not sure what it is, but something needs to happen here. I can't take the person I have become with me into the future, but for some reason it is all I know. I don't know where I made a wrong turn, for all I remember I was on the same path I started this journey on. There is always room for change, but what happens when you desire to change and you have tried all you know to change, but each day you wake up the same person you went to sleep as? Because of this decision to follow Christ, I have made choices that have lead my life to no longer be just about me, but about another, my husband. Each day I desire and long to change to be a better person for him. I see that when I am in pain, when my heart is so broken for the change I long to see in me, it breaks him. That is true love, when the heart of your spouse breaks each time a tear falls from your cheek. That is the place I find myself in. In love, but longing for change. I realize that the change I long for can only be made because of and through Christ Jesus, my Savior, my King. I have come to the part of the show where I sit back and allow Christ to take away all He needs and place in me all He desires. I know that they way things have happened within my very heart are not the way they should be. Something has changed. Somewhere along the way my foot has slipped and along with me falling down the side of the path, my husband has grabbed my hand and began to fall too. I long to get back on the path and I know that my love cannot hold on much longer. The choice now is do I humble myself and let Him pull me back up to safety, into the arms of my Savior, or do I claw and grab at the rocky cliff I am hanging off of in my vain conceit and try to get up on my own? I know that if my decision is the latter, I will not make it. This is the place I am in. The decision is all about me becoming humble before my God and my husband and asking for help. It's that simple.

Love Forever,
Brittany Smith