Hate it

I hate that becasue I have a disease I can't have a life. That I've missed so much work becasue MY DOCTOR GAVE ME THE WRONG MEDICINE. Now I am on "probation" at work. I can't request any days off or miss anytime at work for 4 months. I have 4 weddings I am to attend, one in which I am the maid of honor, and I cannot go to one. It is a miracle they let me of to go to my Uncle's funeral. I can't go camping this summer, or go on any road trips at all. Nothing. Notta.
It's odd becasue this Wednesday at college age I was telling everyone how good God is and for all the blessings I was experiencing. A few hours later, my life is being threatened and my job, well... who even knows if I'll have it tomorrow. God I know this isn't where you want me and it hurts so much. I don't want to be so far from peace, so far from you. I hate life and to me there is no point in living anymore. There is no job that will make me happy, no carrer that I will enjoy. Nothing. So what have you called me too? I am 20 years old and more unhappy than I have ever been... but I know not to complain. I know not to worry. God brings these things to me for a reason. God cares more about my character than contentment. He cares more that I grow in Him than finding peace on earth. He has commanded me to practice on earth what I will spend the rest of eternity doing. Loving, praising, and just being. There is more to life than this pain. There is more to life than the dissapointment in my heart. I know it. I know it becasue I know Jesus.
Love Forever,
Brittany Kirkland