I hate this

This giving up all I have ever loved thing is driving me insane. Why can't things just go my way for once? I know that if they do, of course, things will suck in the end more than they suck now. I guess the worst part is that you hardly care. You don't love me the way I love you. I don't love you more than a friend, but I love you more than you love me. In fact, I know I love you more than anyone will love you for a long time. But you don't care and I really shouldn't either.

I know that God is doing this to make me perfect. To show me how to love HIM in a way I could never do before. To give HIM everything I am and to love HIM like I have never allowed HIM to do before. I love you. Oh God how I love you. But I know things must be this way.

I am sorry you don't care. I am sorry I care to much. I have told God, almost screamed at HIM, that if He is taking you away from me, that He must give me something a million times better. I know He will. For He longs to give me Himself.

I am sorry for this. I am sorry for breaking my own heart. It will be worth it, in the end, I know. But for the time being, I hate this.

Love Forever,
Brittany Kirkland